Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Randomize
