I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
