wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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