there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
