there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
