Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
