He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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