Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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