weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
