it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
