Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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