I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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