well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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