I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
