did you get engaged???
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
