We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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