On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
