I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
