my phone needs a breathalizer
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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