I swear she didn't look like that last week.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Randomize
