we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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