Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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