my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Randomize
