I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
