It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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