Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
