You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
