so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
