you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
