I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
