I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
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