I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
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