dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
