if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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