i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Randomize
