If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
