Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
