I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
