I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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