These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
