Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Randomize
