hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
