nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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