I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Randomize
