why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Randomize
