I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
