Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
