Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
how do you play pong handcuffed?
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
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