so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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