I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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