There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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