i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
