Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
